I need to tell you something

Hi to everyone who reads this!

I am not doing too hot at the moment. I moved back to Oldenburg into my parentse house, and although it is very quiet and peaceful here, i have my struggles. As an artist i want to create something, as a gamer i want to be good as a human i want to have kids and i seem to fail at all of these topics.

Too bad, too bad.. It feels to me as my brain is not able to deal with this reality. I just want to have fun you know, and also save the world at the same time. But is that possible? Maybe. Maybe the world is as good as it is. Maybe we don't produce too much waste on this planet. Too much plastic, too many algorithms. I have the biggest fear of failing at getting my education done. I want to explore and act freely. With the illness, mental illness that is, i feel overpowered with emotions. Like a lot. Maybe this is what the tourette syndrome feels like but i don't have an outer tick, just thoughts that feel overwhelming. I think about Power a lot. What is power ?? Who has power? I just don't know anymore..

Is it my soul that is leaving my body, is it my body that is leaving my soul? All i know is i am hungry for life. And Money.. I think about the economy, about water scarcity, the plastic bottles and the plastic bags full of stuff, that we call waste. But do i want to use the tab water? Maybe.. If i could get that Soda Stream Machine back on track. Today i feed the squirrels with nuts so that they find it in the tree trunk in the garden. I think they are cute and i want a dog, that would be so totally awesome. Maybe there is neighbors

with similar problems. Or just more people to talk to. But with corona around. Who knows.

I hope you do the best you can to be a good person. We can make this place a good home for all of us. Is there a problem?

- i don't know

So Long,

Matze